I like all my ducks in a row.

Seriously. My husband keeps four rubber ducks on the dashboard of his 2018 Jeep Wrangler. I straighten them up in a row every time I get in his Jeep.

I like things to be straight.

If a picture is hanging up on a wall and it needs to be straightened, I straighten it; no matter whose picture it is or whose wall it’s on.

I like colors to coordinate.

When decorating, I pick a main color and specific coordinating colors, and run with it. No exceptions! If it doesn’t match, it’s a no.

I like things to look equal or balanced.

If I trim one fingernail due to a nail breakage, I trim the others to match the one.

I could go on and on but I think it’s safe to say I’m a bit of a perfectionist.

I’ve known this about myself for years and believe all of the above are harmless expressions of autonomy. As a child abuse survivor, living in some out-of-control situations as a child, expressing myself in this way is a relatively “safe” form of autonomy as an adult.

Safe, when it’s confined to personal preferences such as what I listed above, and I also think it could be an asset in artistic endeavors.

Not-so-safe, when perfectionism spills over into personal expectations that are unrealistic or too high; being overly critical of yourself or others; or when it leads to real life obsessive compulsive disorders or depression.

Over the years, God has helped “reign me in” whenever I’ve experienced the occasional unrealistic expectation and during periods of having overly critical feelings about myself or others in my life.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

Fast forward to today, I’m two weeks post-op from having reconstructive nose surgery. Just a few days before the reconstructive surgery I had Mohs surgery to remove a basel cell skin cancer. The Mohs surgery went five rounds and left a big whole on the tip of my nose. It all happened so fast and came as quite a surprise.

It’s early in my healing process. My nose is still healing and I have several months before the scars fade. I really think the reconstructive surgeon did a good job, especially given what he had to work with. However, I can already see that my nose has some asymmetry about it. In other words, it’s not perfect (says the perfectionist in me) but, News Flash: it never was.

Thankfully, as a Christ follower, I can rest in knowing that as imperfect as I have always been, I’m perfect in God’s eyes, and it has nothing to do with my outward appearance and everything to do with my relationship with Jesus. God see’s me through His Son, the author and perfecter of my faith.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-3

I’m fixing my eyes on Jesus, no matter what life sends my way. Life is not perfect. However, a Christian’s life should be different from non believers. Not perfect; no, we’ll never be perfect this side of heaven, but we are called to live a changed life. A changed life that increasingly demonstrates that He is our strength and our power, no matter what.

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

I’m thankful the cancer is gone and for skilled reconstructive plastic surgeons. I’m thankful for family and friends who prayed and cared about me; but most of all I’m thankful for my Savior who many years ago “sought me, and bought me with His redeeming love.”

God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30