Our Dougie 1957-2024

(Updated November 19, 2024)

Siblings are our first friends in life, and ideally are our friends for life. I believe God designed it that way and that siblings are gifts from God. As the 5th of 6 children in our family, life was not always perfect but more importantly I learned that God was. I’m thankful for the gift of family and for each of my siblings.

My sister, Joyce, who is 12 years older than me, got married when I was around 7 years old. She started her own typesetting business in the mid 1960’s, as a young single mom of two young children. She successfully operated that business for many years. She held a private pilot’s license with an instrument rating for many years, and is also a self taught custom interior carpenter. Now a widow in her early 80’s she’s an avid golfer and enjoys music and dancing with friends regularly.

My brother, Eldon lived a short but meaningful life. He was blessed with a lot of friends and was just beginning his life as a young adult a few months after his high school graduation, when he was killed in an automobile accident in September of 1963. The car he was driving was struck by a drunk driver who ran the red light that was less than a mile from our home. I was only 9 years old at the time of his death. The night he died it was reported in the newspaper that approximately 20 of his friends went to the local Baptist church to rededicate their lives. While his death devastated and forever changed the landscape of our family, I came to the understanding later in life that God is sovereign and that “….all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

My brother, Ron loved playing basketball in school, and some time after his high school graduation in 1968, he joined the U.S. Navy and served our country for 4 years. He was also an accomplished artist for several years. As a father and grandfather, he worked two jobs simultaneously for many years. Today he’s fully retired and uses a wheelchair to get around after having had a leg amputation a few years ago.

My brother Dennis also loved playing basketball in school, and was my only sibling to graduate from college. He became a teacher, a basketball coach, and a middle school principal. He’s a father and grandfather, who enjoys keeping physically fit by running regularly and various other physical activities. His wife and he are currently enjoying travel and full time retirement together.

Our little brother Doug, who is the main subject of this writing, and who I affectionately still call “Dougie” was born 3 months premature in 1957. He was diagnosed early on as being mentally retarded. Nowadays it’s called mentally “disabled” as the word, “retarded” has long since became a slang word meant to degrade and make fun of people. 

Dougie had a mind that was “forever young.” He was probably the sweetest, most sincere person I have ever known. He will always hold a special place in my heart. One day in the 1980’s, he came to me upset with himself because he had told a lie and knew it was wrong. His lips were quivering and he was near tears. I told him that God knows when we do wrong things and that it was good that he was sorry for what he did. His humility was so precious and sweet. I hugged him and helped him pray out loud in Jesus’ name for forgiveness. 

I remember when we were little I was his personal interpreter. He also had a speech impediment and it was hard for most people to understand what he was saying. Being the closest in age to him, I naturally spent a lot of time with him so it was easy for me to understand what he was saying.

When he and I played outside I felt responsible to watch him and to help him. Whether it was playing in the neighborhood or on the swing sets at the drive-in movies across the street on Highway 31, I was his protector.

Just like any little boy, he wanted to attend the same school that all the neighborhood kids went to but he was sent to Lincoln Elementary and then over to MacArthur Elementary as they had Special Education classes. The same was true in his middle school years. He wanted to attend Meridian Middle School like the neighborhood kids but was sent to Keystone Middle School as they were the designated school at that time for Special Education kids.

He was initially held back one year of elementary school in the very beginning and then again held back another year later on. It was at MacArthur Elementary that he had two of his favorite teachers, Mr Carter who was his Special Education teacher and his Boy Scout leader, and Mr French who was his art teacher. It was here that he also had an unnamed worst teacher. I knew about his favorite teachers as he spoke of them often over the years but I didn’t know about the unnamed worst teacher until recently. He told me she replaced Mr Carter and said that, “She put her hands on me and hurt me!” After talking with him about this a little more, I learned that she grabbed his shoulders and shook him abusively one day for reasons unknown which made him very upset. If I had known about this back then I would have been in the principal’s office the next day.

Actually, not too long after I got my drivers license, Dougie came home very upset one day after school. He said some kids at school were making fun of him at lunch time. They were taking his food away from him and putting things in it, basically bullying him and making him cry. When he told me about this and also that it wasn’t the first time, I was livid. I drove over to the school the first thing the next morning and sat down in the principal’s office and told him what was happening to my little brother. I also told him that someone needed to do a better job of protecting my little brother. I barely got those words out before I began to cry. (I was young and emotional.) The principal was kind but seemed indifferent and offered zero solutions. I left unsure if the principal was going to do anything to help Dougie. I realized that day that Dougie was likely going to have to deal with people like those kids and that principal the rest of his life.

While in high school he had a crush on a neighborhood girl with blonde hair who rode his school bus. Her name was Karen Taylor. He thought she was cute but he was too shy to talk to her. He told me that he was “in love with her” and that one day he wrote her a note and put it in her mailbox but she never responded. Dougie graduated from Perry Meridian High School in 1976 and as far as I know, she was the only girl he ever had a crush on. Over 50 years later, he recalled this story with a lump in his throat. 

Dougie continued living at home with mom for several years as a young adult. He worked for Noble Industries in Indianapolis. They had two locations at this time, one on the west side of town and one on the east side of town. He first worked at their west location in their greenhouse. He enjoyed working in the greenhouse but for some reason he was moved over to the other location to work in a school kitchen. His job there was taking lunch trays off the conveyer belt and loading them unto a commercial dishwasher. It was here he made $1.50 an hour and where he started singing to himself while working. He remembers singing a phrase “Wagon Ho” while he unloaded and loaded the trays. It was also during this time he picked up some “ticks.” He began blurting out a “moo” sound like a cow, and also an “ooga” sound like that of an old car horn. He doesn’t know why he started repeating these sounds although I suspect it was some type of work related stress.

Interestingly Dougie had a natural talent for tinkering with electronics. I remember I had an alarm clock radio that broke and I gave it to him to tinker with. He took it all apart and laid the parts out on a TV tray. I assumed that he’d never get it back together again. Within two or three weeks he put it back together and it worked! I was amazed. This was back when he was in his mid 20’s.

He also had a unique talent of impersonating TV personalities. His favorite was Sammy Terry, a local 1960’s-1970’s late night TV show host. The show was a Friday late night phenomenon in Indianapolis called Nightmare Theater. Sammy would open the show emerging out of a coffin and proceed to introduce the scary old movie that was being shown that night. Dougie, had fun imitating Sammy Terry’s introduction: “Good evening. Welcome to Nightmare Theater. I’m your host Sammy Terry.” (Moo-ha-ha!”) He would then go on to announce the movie, like “Tonight we have Frankenstein Meets the Werewolf” (“Moo-ha-ha!”) followed by the dangling emergence of George, his sidekick giant spider, and Sammy’s trademark laughter.

In the mid 1990’s our mom was suffering from the effects of Alzheimer’s and was transitioned to an assisted living center in St Louis, to be near my sister, Joyce. At this same time, Dougie went to live in St Louis in a small nearby apartment.

While Dougie enjoyed the apartment, It didn’t work out well for him. He really needed more structure and guidance, plus he got bit by an unknown dog in the neighborhood and had to undergo a painful series of rabies shots. So after about a year of living on his own, my niece, Debbie invited Dougie to come live with her in the Central West End area of St Louis. While in St. Louis Dougie really enjoyed playing basketball and softball with a special education group. He also had the love and support of my other niece, Marlene, who lived in St Louis too.

In 2001 Debbie decided to move to the Seattle Washington area and so Dougie moved too. My niece, Marlene moved there a few months later as well. They settled in a small town called Burien, where Debbie was instrumental in creating a program, called Clean Sweep. It was specifically designed for employing disabled people to help pick up trash around downtown Burien. Dougie worked part time for Clean Sweep and enjoyed everything about it. He enjoyed his job, enjoyed working along side his fellow disabled workers, and enjoyed getting to know the local store owners and their frequent customers. He also enjoyed the independence and freedom of using an inexpensive transportation program available in Burien.

However, a downside to his independence and freedom occurred when a stranger took advantage of Dougie one day. He walked over to Arby’s and on his way back a car stopped and blocked his way. A pregnant lady with two kids told him that she and her kids were hungry. She asked him to buy them some food, and then a boy joined them and he bought his food too. She then coerced him to go to the bank and withdraw as much money as he could from the bank machine. He gave her the money (I think it was $200 or $300, or whatever the maximum bank card withdrawal was at that time) and then she left. He also lost his phone that same day. Later, a police report was filed but of course the lady was never found. We were all so upset and so sad that this happened to our Dougie. 

And while he really enjoyed working, he was actually hit and injured by a vehicle on two separate occasions while working. After spending some time in the hospital with a broken hip (hairline fracture) from the second car incident, his job duties were then changed to inside only.

Besides working part-time for several years in Burien, Dougie enjoyed going to some local activities specially designed for the disabled. His favorites activities were going to a Thursday morning art class, and Friday nights to “The Club” to hang out with his friends.

He also had some problems with recurring staph infections over the past several years, some requiring hospitalizations. He had to have his middle toe removed from his right foot in January of 2023 due to another staph infection. He was hospitalized for a month, and then spent another month in a rehab center, Hallmark Manor. His only complaint was that he couldn’t get his favorite TV shows at either place although he did like some of the new TV channels he watched at the rehab center. He also enjoyed playing board games at Hallmark Manor. He enjoyed winning .50 cents from playing two of the Bingo games! 

Shortly after that he developed another a wound on the bottom of his right foot which was not as bad as the other wound but kept him home most of the time.

He often talked about how much he wished he could go back to his art class and “The Club” but because of his foot issues he never got to go to back. His daily routine evolved to primarily staying home and watching his favorite TV shows. 

His favorite cartoons were Popeye, Mighty Mouse, Tom and Jerry, and Scooby Doo. His favorite game shows were Let’s Make a Deal, The Match Game, and of course, The Price is Right! His favorite TV shows were old re-runs like Bewitched, The Love Boat, Emergency, The Time Tunnel, The Partridge Family, The Wild, Wild West, Power Rangers, and Star-trek. He was so proud of his “Star Trek Enterprise” model he had in his room. He also liked The Andy Griffith Show, and was also proud of his light up “Mayberry Village.” It included Andy, Opie, Aunt Bee, Barney, Gomer, Andy’s home, and the gas station. He liked it so much he kept several photos of his “Mayberry Village” on his phone. Toward the end of his life he added Young Sheldon and Night Court to his viewing schedule. His chief complaint was that the H & I (Heros and Icons) TV channel was no longer available in his viewing area which prevented him from watching all the super hero shows. 

When he was being treated weekly for his foot wound, he so looked forward to going to the foot doctor on Tuesdays; that was the day he got breakfast to-go at the Jack in the Box. The rest of his meals were generally at home. He was allowed to microwave food but not allowed to use the stovetop or oven, due to safety concerns. His favorite breakfast cereals were Captain Crunch, Fruit Loops, and Lucky Charms. His favorite lunches were Hot Pockets and Smucker’s Uncrustables Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly Sandwiches. Some of his other favorite foods included Pop Tarts, chips, and corn dogs with catsup. His favorite to-go restaurants were Panda Express, Jack in the Box, Subway, and The Chicken Burger Place. His favorite desserts were oatmeal raisin cookies, vanilla ice cream, strawberry popsicles, and homemade puff wheat balls. On Sunday’s he looked forward to having a big breakfast prepared for him: eggs and sausage or pancakes with peanut butter, a Query family favorite. 

Dougie loved Debbie’s dogs, Bella and Honey. They kept him company and made him laugh. Honey liked to sit in his favorite chair whenever he got up. Bella liked to sit on his bed when he was not in it. He’d give them treats in order to get them to move! 

I remember when Dougie was young, the doctor told my mom that Dougie’s life expectancy would be short, however, that doctor was wrong. God had a plan and a purpose for Dougie’s life. Yes, his life was full of challenges, but God blessed him with a happy disposition, a sense of humor, a loving family, and a long life. More so, Dougie was loved by many, and was a blessing to many more. By the grace of God, he celebrated his 67th birthday on April 2, 2024.

On November 19, 2024 I received word that Dougie had passed away at home from natural causes. 

I will miss our almost daily phone calls. He would talk about his TV shows, his meals, how he was feeling, the dogs, things he remembered from the past, or really about anything he wanted to talk about. Sometimes we would talk about God. Dougie knew that God was in control and that He knew the future. We prayed and talked about trusting God. We also talked about death and how God knew when our time would be to pass away. My prayers for him, in addition to his physical needs, were for God to protect him and to continually renew his child-like faith in Him. Sometimes I would sing songs to him like, “Jesus Loves Me” and he would sing along. I would end each call by telling him to call me back tomorrow and by telling him, “I love you.” He always called me back and he always told me, “I love you too.”

He didn’t call me on November 19th, 2024; he went to be with Jesus. I miss my little brother but I’m trusting in God and looking forward to the day we’ll be reunited in heaven.