“I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool.” by Barbara Mandrell, was a popular song in 1981. I really wasn’t much of a country music fan but this song caught my attention and the lyrics made me think about my dad. He passed away in 1978, when I was 24 years old.
My dad was a good dad in so many ways. He loved his kids, he loved my mom, and we lived in a nice home in a nice neighborhood. We always had plenty of good food (my mom was such a good cook) and plenty of clothes. We had nice gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and he always made sure we went on vacations every summer. My love for travel began back then because my dad always made sure we went on vacations.
He was also very sentimental; tears would come to his eyes whenever he talked about his mom, who died when he was only 9 years old. His older sisters helped raise him. As an adult, he suffered from polio in the 1950s and as a result had one weak arm and one weak leg that caused him to walk with a limp. He didn’t let his disability keep him from working and living life, though. While I was growing up, he always had two jobs, working for White Castle on the weekdays and playing guitar at night on the weekends. He worked during the day because he had 6 kids to feed. He played guitar at night because he loved country music and playing the guitar.
He taught himself how to play guitar when he was in high school; he played by ear and was pretty good at it. I remember he told me that the principal at his high school used to ask him to play his guitar for impromptu music convocations. He also loved basketball. He earned a letterman’s sweater for basketball and graduated from Cloverdale High School in 1938.
Later, he made a couple of records (45 RPM) and played in various bands over the years including “The Hoosiers” and “Boomer and the Boomertones.” He played guitar at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville in the 1950s for a husband and wife team named Kenny and LuLu Bell Si, and also on a local TV station in Indianapolis on a show called Midwestern Hayride. In the 50s, 60s and early 70s he worked weekends at local taverns, playing country music throughout most of my childhood.
He recorded hours and hours of his music, first on Reel-to-Reel tapes, then on cassettes. Our garage and our basement were like recording studios. I have lots of childhood memories of all sorts of musicians coming over to our house to play music. When they played in the basement, it would be full of laughter, cigarette smoke, longneck bottles and loud country music. When I was a young teen, he tried and tried to teach me how to play but I complained that the guitar strings hurt my fingers. That was my excuse, although true, but in reality I just didn’t think country music or playing the guitar was very “cool” back then. Somehow, I was unimpressed by all of it.
Inescapably and as life would have it, the good times were mixed with the bad. Actually, my dad’s preferred mix was Calvert’s and 7UP®. Nearly every night he would drink. He would even have me make it for him if I was nearby. He was quiet and kind during the day, but then he’d be argumentative at night.It was literally like night and day. I remember thinking everybody’s dad drank whiskey and 7UP® every night because that’s what mine did. I think it could best be described as controlled chaos; it would be crazy at times then everything would be fine the next day.
Then one tragic day in 1963 my oldest brother died in a car wreck and our whole family was devastated. My dad had such a hard time coping and was in so much pain. We all were in pain, really. During the following 2 or 3 years I witnessed him attempt suicide on two occasions. It’s hard to explain my feelings through the eyes of a 9-, 10-, or 11-year-old, but I mostly remember feeling sorry for my dad, but not knowing how to help him. It was confusing and difficult to process. Those years were hard; it was a hard time in all our lives back then. A few years later in 1973, I did what we all do when we grow up, I moved out to live on my own.
Then, in 1978, I decided to move back home when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed away within 6 months of his diagnosis. I remember the night my (future) husband carried him from the house to the car to take him to the hospital where he went into a coma and then passed away two weeks later.
This was one of our last photos together. We gathered at a family picnic about two months before he passed away.
Cancer is a horrible disease and I hate it, but at the same time, I believe it’s a blessing to have the time between the diagnosis of cancer and the time of passing—time to collect your thoughts, time to heal relationships, and time with God. I believe it was God’s providence that drew me back home during that time. I got to spend those last few months living with my dad and my mom while he was going through cancer treatments. It was then and there that I saw my dad read his Bible and pray. He talked about God and I saw his Bible study notes. He had both old and new notes in his Bible. I also learned that he was a Christian long before I was even born. That surprised me because I thought at that time in my life that Christians were supposed to be “perfect” and that they didn’t have any problems.
In reality, my dad struggled with many real-life problems; losing his mom at such a young age, having polio, alcoholism, the death of my brother, etc. The fact Christians aren’t perfect and are not immune from problems was something I would learn more about later in life, but here was a real life example I witnessed with my own dad.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:6-7
Now at this time in my own life, my walk with God wasn’t very close; I was keeping Him at a distance. Even still, I believe God’s grace was at work in my life and that this period of my dad’s passing and me being present in his life during this time was all part of His plan in both of our lives.
And looking back, I realize I was not as close to my dad while I was growing up as I wish I could have been. I think I kept him somewhat at a distance as well. While my love for my dad has always been there and I never doubted that he loved me, my feelings and compassion for him have actually grown since his passing. And if he were here today, I would tell him how much I love him and that I now understand that life is not perfect; people are not perfect; Christians are not perfect; difficult things happen in life; and that we all make choices in life that we may later regret. Jesus is the only One who has led a perfect life. If my dad were here today, I’d tell him I’m sorry I didn’t let him teach me how to play the guitar. I’d tell him that his guitar and his country music were “cool.” Most of all, I’d tell him that he was, in fact, very “cool.”
“Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26
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